Disclaimer: All the characters and incidents described below are entirely true. Any resemblance to fiction whatsoever is a result of the author’s inadvertent plagiarism and the hyperactive imagination of her sources.
The first few groups of students have already started the daily routine of first stop bathroom-check hair-wash hands-next stop drinking water-exchange communal gossip-check out juniors-sigh-come back to class. This ritual would be repeated several times a day at periodic intervals.
The ladies arrive in droves and mill around the office room, checking out each others’ dresses, commenting on their hair and complimenting each others’ choice of bathroom slippers which they proudly show off.
The gents come as stags, sign and retreat quickly to their rooms to think of novel ways to harass the tea boy.
The ac in the professors’ rooms starts humming.
Final years are herded off to the seminar hall to begin the day’s illusion of education. Hostel boys arrive 10 minutes late and stare abashedly through the window pane. Hostel girls arrive an hour later.
The lecturers in the ground floor are in deep discussion. Is the girl in 3rd year IT B going out with the tall boy in IT A or the curly-haired senior? They decide to counsel the offending girl on the principles of virtue. Is there any progress in the case of the boy they advised last week? Is he still hanging out with his girlfriend? Not good, they decide.
The lecturers in the first floor are arguing whose mother-in-law is the cruelest of all. A student walks in to enquire about her project. They ask her to come after half an hour.
A scream, not unlike the wail of a banshee, can be heard from the lab. The banshee in question is screeching at a hapless student “Enna dash ku da nee college ku vara? Chollu pa chollu….”
A sudden commotion can be heard from the centre of the department. A few students have been caught copying. The lecturers congregate. All of them have a take on what punishment should be given. All of them have a piece of advice to give. They all call the Innocent Girl aside to advice her on propriety. One watching assistant professor alone remains silent. “She alone has some sense in this crowd. No wonder she is AP”, Innocent Girl thinks. Later that AP would declare in the middle of an astonished (and sadistically happy) class, “You should not change your attitude for anyone. Including your husband,” all the while staring down Innocent Girl.
“Give me all your mobile phones. Come with your parents”, the lecturer who caught the students says.
“Ma’am please ma’am. Last time ma’am. I wont repeat this again ma’am”, one student begs.
“No need parents ma’am. Veetla prechanai aagum ma’am. Dad will kill me ma’am”, another student laments.
“Ma’am it wasn’t my fault ma’am”, another student protests.
“Ma’am mobile phone mattum thiripi kuduthidinga ma’am”, says another. True ITian.
A dark shadow slinks along the ground. It pauses in front of the lab. A few bags are opened and ransacked. The shadow sneaks away with its treasure of calculators, mobile phones and purses carelessly left behind.
Juniors run around with laptops looking very important. They stop suddenly, check the signal strength in their laptops, sigh contently and open facebook to check the status of their farms.
The department empties as a quarter of its population trickle out in the direction of the gate just in time to catch 119.
A few couples head off to the canteen. They stop suddenly on seeing the HOD. He gives a vacant smile, locks his room and meets his wife at the entrance and together they proceed, hand in hand, to the canteen.
A phone in the office room rings twice. R. anna cuts the call, silently walks out and opens the door of the Assistant Professor’s room he had previously latched. The AP smiles at him, his mid day 10-min power yoga session completed without any disturbance from pesky over-enthu students.
A lone junior girl walks into a class of curiously staring seniors to draw a flowchart.
Students mill around the lab attendant in the ac lab.
“Sir Sir please Sir!”
“Illa pa chance ae illa”
“Sir please”
“Seri solunga”
“Sir, copy onepassassembler.c from account 34 to accounts 26-33 and 35-45”
“Seri ma’am varuthuku munaadi area va gaali pannunga”
Assistant Professor in first floor is teaching a class of bored looking 3rd years. Suddenly he launches forth into a profusion of practical advice. “Life in IT field is tough”, he nods knowingly, “You work your asses off for years and all of a sudden a 20 year old girl gets promoted over you and you have to bow down to her.” The class snickers. “None of you will ever get placed”, he yells. “I have told your seniors and I am telling you. The market is on a deathly downward spiral. You have no future. You will work as a waiter.” He stomps away. A few final years approach him with chocolates. “Sir we are placed in CTS”, they proclaim. “It must be luck”, he grabs the chocolates and walks away.
Mrs.P enters a class and promptly steps on a large blob of cake. She looks at the mess on the floor.
“Yenna pa ithu”
“Ma’am A ku poranthanaal”
“Clean pannunga pa”
“Ma’am A ku poranthanaal”
“Seri we’ll start with Random variables”
“Ma’am A ku poranthanaal”
“Athuku enna pa panna solreenga. Write down….”
The students chant, “A unakku poranthanaal! A unakku poranthanaal! A unakku poranthanaal! A nee azhaga poranthitiye!”
“Silence”
“A unakku poranthanaal! A unakku poranthanaal! A unakku poranthanaal! A nee azhaga poranthitiye!”
“HOD kitta complain pannuven”
“A unakku poranthanaal!”
“I wont give attendance”
“A unakku poranthanaal!”
“I’ll send you all out”
“A unakku poranthanaal!”
“No internals”
“A nee azhaga poranthitiye!”
Mrs.P walks out sobbing.
A bored student is staring outside the window in the corner lab, pondering the meaning of life. There is a sudden exclamation of joy from behind. He takes this as a sign, walks over to roll no 23 and comes back to his workstation with a fully loaded pen drive. His friends look at him in sleepy awe. “Vaangtiya machan? Mail anupidu.”
Students come out in clusters. Some break off in the direction of the canteen. Some of them walk to the stores. One heads off to the department of Biomedical Engineering.
The lawn is lush and crowded. One group of 5 girls and 1 lone boy are discussing the day’s lab. Suddenly one of the girls breaks off in mid-conversation and cries out “Puppy! Oh cutie puppy!”
I wander tiredly back to my bus. “Why did I come to college?” I yell at the heavens. “What have I accomplished today with my time? What did I learn? What higher purpose can there be behind making me wake up every morning, bathe in freezing water, run behind the bus, sit through 8 periods of nonsense and go back home just to fall asleep again?” My friends look at me blandly. “Hey look”, my classmate points out a boy in the crowd excitedly, “You and JS are both in black! My! What a match!”
A smile lights up my face.
