Twilight, Conversations and Realizations

I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday and she was explaining to me why she did not like twilight.

“It ended too happily” said she. “Bella got everything she wanted-she got converted, a husband, a child, a family, a friend. Everything. It was too much. Meyer should have killed someone in the end, just to make it sound real. And made the ending more ambiguous.”

And instead of calling her a sadist, i actually agreed with her.

I don’t when exactly it happened, but sometime in the last four years I turned Cynical. Cynical to the point that in a story of vampires and werewolves, the only point that offended my (or I should say our) sense of reality was that everyone lived happily ever after as one big family.

I scoff at fairy tales, at driving into the sunset, at happily-ever-afters. As my friend pointed out, happily-ever-afters are boring. And unreal. I have come to point where I wouldn’t trust a happily-ever-after if it slapped me in the face. Unless there is a story of compromises behind it. I am not so far gone that i look for the catch in every situation or search for complications where none exist (as opposed to what some people think of me). And i am definitely more optimistic than most of my friends put together. But i no longer am the idealist dreamer I used to be. No longer believe that I can play solos like Slash. Or that World Peace can be achieved by a touching dialog in a Mani Ratnam movie set to A.R.Rahman’s background score. Or in guys who are smart AND strong AND sensitive AND open car doors for you. It’s not that i don’t want the aforementioned scenarios to happen. It's just that i cant believe they would be handed out on a platter like hot dogs in a ball game. As my friend said, easy victories are boring. There must be challenges. And problems we can laugh about later over a cup of coffee together. And for once, I agree with her.

Reasons why life really sucks sometimes...part 3

Some people have never heard of Guns And Roses let alone heard them. And there are people who think November Rain is not the best song of all time!

Obituary: Black Spotted One and Yellow Streaked One

May your soul rest in peace and may you find eternal bliss swimming in the golden straits of heaven, free from all natural predators and furthermore free from pesky humans from beyond the looking glass. May you find abundant food and eat to your heart’s content without having to die from it. You will be forever in our hearts and blog. Your absence will be greatly felt.

Bereaved Anantharamakrishnan family members and guilty friend.

P.S: The above is an obituary (as you would have noticed) for the two fish of the author’s friend that the author killed by feeding them extra food (apparently fishes cannot stand more than their recommended daily dietary intake) in order to make them do something, anything more exciting than just aimless swimming around and bumping into the glass. The author would like to remind complainant that she meant no harm and was just trying to alleviate the heavy boredom that had settled on her while she was waiting for said complainant to get dressed. Besides, the greedy fish should have had better sense than to eat till they’re dead. You’d have thought they’d hesitate to think a little atleast when it’s a matter of life and death. But no! They had to whiz around so excitedly at the food pellets that the author felt compelled to feed them more. Sheesh! Fish!

P.P.S: I am so sorry Mr.Anantharamakrishnan. I didn’t know they’d dieL. I didn’t mean to murder them, I swear. *sniff sniff*

Long Due....But more shall come

I give in. This one’s for the nostalgia. The last one week i’m being bombarded by senti FB statuses and sad smiley msgs from all directions. And I managed (mostly) to remain resolutely cynical. But today got me thinking and i decided to compile a list of the things about college I’d remember the most. I know there are loadsa more incidents that i’ve failed to mention and several more that I’ve forgotten all about (as my friend’s slam books remind me every time) and other embarrassing ones that i’ve conveniently repressed but these I believe will come with me to the end.

My 21^st birthday cum advanced new year cum temporary-farewell-for-anjana-and-maya party:

Due to the public availability of this post and due to peer pressure and due to anjana, maya and niru promising to kill me if i post any finer details regarding this incident, I shall refrain from doing so. But after a very very long time, I felt truly excited. My actual birthday, to say the least, was a mess. Unfortunately stupid CTS decided to hold his campus placements in our college the day after my birthday. As a result, most of my friends were too busy preparing. A well meaning friend actually tried to convince me to stay over at her place to teach me 4 years worth of Information Technology. But I didn’t want to remember my 21^st birthday as the birthday I learnt IT, so.... And so the beat part of my birthday was spent sitting at home, staring at my Fb wall and refreshing it every few seconds. Sure i had a great lunch with my mom and sis at the Adyar Park (courtesy of some vouchers my mom had) and sure I got some totally cool gifts from my friends but anyway.....

So getting back, my actual birthday was a very ok-ish one. But this.....this was what a 21^st bday was supposed to be about. Loadsa firsts. Loadsa comedies trying out the firsts. Loadsa frowning on anjana’s part. Loadsa phone calling on her mom’s part. An ultimate suprise that the idiots actually managed to maintain as a suprise (History with a capital H)-cutting cake in the middle of the road with the Raintree parking attendants looking on weirdly, driving back close to midnight on a Scooty on reserve, praying praying praying it wont stop midway, catcalls in the petrol bunk......*sigh* Total hoot!

Sitting under the tree near the dustbin at stores and discussing ‘Vine of desire’:

Anpu, Rd and I- the feministic trio of our class. Or atleast the more vocal trio of the feminists of our class. And also I would like to believe the better read trio of our class. Throughout these four years, through all the fights we’ve had and through all the silent treatments, despite it and maybe because of it, we’ve always shared books. One book that totally blew us off our feet was Vine of Desire. I remember me closing the book midway ‘coz i got a headache from all the emotions it made me feel. I remember Anpu messaging me to say she was scared of what the book was making her feel. I remember Rd sending me an almost replica of the same message a few days later. Sitting under the tree discussing marriage and love and betrayal and Rd’s expectations in a guy and laughing and laughing over it and walking to close to conduct interviews of all my classmates about what they look for in a guy and then writing a crazy blog about it months later when I come across my interview notes by accident..... Not something I’d forget easy.

Lotsa other conversations would come close. Like the time, the three of us sat together in System Software or some other forgettable class and started talking about whom we would save if a hypothetical anthrax warhead went off in the boys side of the class. Which led to whom we would save if one went off in the girls side of the class. And then in the event that one went off in a Staff meeting. Then came the other department students. Which led to the realization that the people whom we like and whom we considered worth saving in the entire college wouldn’t fill a College Bus. Sad but not reallyJ

April Fools day 2010:

Thanks to my project guide who hardballed me into staying late into the evening for Documentation purposes, i had to return home by ptc all alone. Which led me to play the most successful pranks of my entire life on a few unsuspecting souls. And the ironical part is the prank wasnt even my original idea. It was one I’d fallen for earlier in the evening and decided to try it out on my friends. Man did they fall hook, line and sinker. I thought I’d definitely lose it when Anjana called to confirm but boy am i a great liar! Sometimes I think I went too far, but it wasn’t my fault some people forgot and continue to forget what I’ve mentioned to them loadsa times. And i just had way too much fun. So long suckers!:)

Kathipara-post some Benny Dayal and Krish concert -10.30 in the night -80 kmph-Anjana screaming behind me:

I remember this every time i climb Kathipara. Hopefully I will for the rest of my life.

IPT:

Story in short: I got stuck at an in-plant training at my mom’s office (so guess what, i cant even bunk) with two idiot love birds who were resolutely trying to pretend they were just friends. And i was the proverbial extra limb. Gave an all new meaning to “three is a crowd”. I can still remember Mani throwing I-swear-just-born-babies-would-lose innocent looks when I (like the clueless klutz that I am) tried to tease him. And reading Michael Crichton’s Airframe all alone in a corner while the other two played Chess (Yes brilliant idea you two! Bring a game that can only be played by two when there are exactly three in the group). And waiting all alone in the lobby while the other two would saunter in laughing together (they both came by train, albeit different trains still trains, so they would wait for each other in the station and then come together). Not to mention the friend’s wedding I went to where for the first time in my life I felt like a tag-along. And to top it all, convincing the rest of the suspicious class that they were just friends and that I would KNOW if they werent. To all the friends of couples, I take a bow. And remember the golden rule- If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck....

Canteen:

Nuff said.

Suby:

It was 3^rd year and my friends and I were in Kurukshetra. I was tired but Asmi forced me to participate in K-Idol saying we have to participate in everything and get value for coming all that way. So despite my better notions I gave in and filled out their written test, wrote an essay on why Indian Engineering Education sucks and came out. I remember checking my phone to find 7 new messages and 21 missed calls, i remember thinking that if there were so many people trying to contact me, either a)results are out or b)somethings terribly wrong or c)all of the above. I remember noticing that all the calls were from my school friends and deciding that I’d better get out of there fast. And I remember Maya telling me Suby’s had an accident and that he’s gone and just sitting on the platform outside the Management Hall and just staring at my phone. And Srivi crying and crying and crying on the phone. And me calmly walking out and running into a few more school friends in the canteen who were calmly discussing the accident amidst arguments over what juice to order (looking back now, I guess we were all still in shock but it sounded callous to me then and still does a little now). Ironically I got selected to the next round of K-Idol and the next and had to speak on stage. And all the while I kept thinking Suby’s dead and I didn’t pick his last few calls, Suby’s dead and I ignored him, Suby’s dead and I’m on stage. It took me days before I could drive without saying a prayer first, a week before the shock wore off and I burst out crying in the middle of the class. The night Suby died, I went home and ended a fight that had been going on for months with one of my friends. But I haven’t changed. If i meet another Suby in my life I’d still ignore his last few calls and I’d still beat myself up over it when its too late.

568 C rules 4eva!:

Must also include 570 C and 119. Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had in my life were here. I guess half the revenue the 2 AC buses earned must have come out Arthy’s, Deepi’s and my pockets. Endless gossip sessions in the last row, yakking yakking yakking for hours, trying to get into Arthy’s head that she’d be better off without a few people in her life, trying not to stare too obviously at the couples coochi-cooing in the seat next to us, making up far-fetched plans and dropping them....

Also, another conversation I’d never forget was with Rd on a bus from Tambaram, discussing each others’ families, dissecting each others’ homes. It was the first time I’ve spoken to anyone about my family. I don’t think I’d forget that conversation for a long time to come.

GRE:

An exam I had super fun at and which totally skyrocketed me to celebrity status. An entire sem I spent advising long-forgotten friends and fielding questions from sons of colleagues of aunts about how to tackle the GRE (like I knew Shit! Again...so long suckers). I guess more people called me to ask about GRE than all the people on all my birthdays combined. And after GRE came TOEFL. For a few months of my life, I was so sure my life was made. And then I started applying and it was back to the dumpsJ Oh well! I had my sun-timeJ

3^rd Year tour:

Dancing. Mock Interviews. A photo session at the top of a hill looking all sweaty and tired but looking like we’d just planted the Indian flag on Kiilman-fucking-jaro. Antakshari. Tug-of-war. Cheerleading for tug-of-war. The few (of course) fights and arguments. Perfect!

Farewell:

Loved it. Almost every bit of it. Just for the memories. The dancing and the photos and the (wierd) hairstyles and the ac breaking down and all the senti crying and the ride back in the car full of righteous anger and heaven’s wrath and all the comedies that followed the next few days restoring peace. Let me just say....Great entertainment. You made my last week at SSN Entertaining and Eventful with a capital E.

Lazy afternoons in the 'Secret Room':

Secret no more, I must say I was the one who discovered it. Aah...the number of movies we have spent watching there, the number of times we escaped to its relative privacy, the number of plans made, the time we ‘saved’ a newly-hatched sparrow and guided it in the path to freedom only to watch it get eaten up by a crow just when we were congratulating ourselves. Somethings are better not messed with.

Instincts:

The best for the last. For a long time, college was a place i tolerated between Instincts. It was a phenomenon. From the first to the last. All the memories: sneaking peanuts meant for the chief guests we were supposed to serve as part of our Hospitality volunteering work, endless sponsor hunting, sitting at Maddy’s feet like a sycophantic puppy (I swear i went into the light right then and there), learning to play Counter Strike from the pros in the days leading up to @nd year Instincts (Arathi and I kept dying within seconds until some poor guy who loved the game too much to watch us play it so horribly, took pity on us and showed us how to move forward and how to actually use our guns. We managed to survive for a whole 2 minutes after that :D), the 5 course lunches (biriyani all 5 courses. Advantages of being the youngest girls around and having doting seniors), the midnight kalaais and osi pepsis for which I still get ragged to death, showing my school friends what a cool college I had (walking with Hema, Sugi and Ramya acrossthe ground and being so sure that we’d be friends forever, jumping from chair to chair with Deepak trying to catch a glimpse of the dancers on stage during choreo night, arguing about the merits and demerits of Ragging with Dash while walking from one venue to the next). I met some of my best friends through Instincts and it is something I will forever be grateful for.

And so it all comes to an end. The fun. The laughter. The fights. The praying fervently after every semester. Hell, I’ll even miss Anna University (where else in the world can you get a degree with just black pen, blue pen and double underlining?? J). And God forbid I even miss my project guide. To all the memories I’ve forgotten and the people I’ve missed out, watch out for part 2!

Reasons why life really sucks sometimes...part 2

You never get what you wanted to get or you get what you wanted but didn’t realize that was what you wanted or you get what you wanted and realized you wanted but didn’t think that it would be what it is when you actually got it. Or you get what you wanted at a time and place you didn’t want it. Or you get what you wanted along with what you didn’t want and wish getting what you wanted didn’t entail getting what you didn’t want. Ultimately getting what you wanted sometimes makes you want to never have wanted it in the first place.

Maybe never getting what you wanted is better than that. Marginally.

How not to try and attract a girl

I shall be upfront. I am a creep magnet. if there is a creep/jerk/asshole within a 100 yards of me, he will be attracted to me. I never get the good guys. It is like the good Lord has purposefully cursed me with this horrible attraction after giving me more than my fair portion of super intelligence, good looks and kind and loving heart (kidding). So I am in a position where I have experienced a lotta dumb ways to try and attract a girl and I draw upon these experiences to outline a few ways which will definitely NOT work.

Exhibit A:

I am riding home in a share auto. Unfortunately for me, I am the only customer. It is the middle of the day in Chennai and I am already dead tired or I'd have caught a bus. SAD (Share Auto Driver) decides to engage in friendly conversation. SAD asks me if I am working. I smile (thinking of my proffessional looks) and explain that no, I am a student. Then he asks me where I am studying. I give my usual vague answer especially reserved for distantly-related uncles and aunts in weddings and funerals, "Engineering".

"Where?", he presses.

I give my 'my-mommy-told-me-not-to-talk-to-strangers' look. Wonder whether I shoud lie but then decide that no way is he gonna come all the way to OMR to kidnap me and hold me for ransom, and tell him the truth.

"Which year?" he asks.

"Final"

"Oh!", he exclaims. "What are you planning to do after studying?"

By then sick of making small talk, I take out my mobile phone and start texting, replying to him in monosyllables. Note:This usually dissuades most over-friendly cases who then leave me alone but this socially-challenged SAD obviously didnt get the point.

"What will you do after studying?" he persists.

Not wanting to explain to him the complicated process of 'GRE-tension-TOEFL-tension-applying-tension-waiting for admits-tension-VISA-tension-shopping-MS' (not to mention, all that cannot possibly be fit into a single syllable), I reply "Work".

"When will you get married then?"

This momentarily stuns me enough to lift my head from my texting haze and give him the blank stare I usually give my class girls when this topic comes up (I hate to compare my class girls with sleazy SAD, but circumstances force me). "After working a few years," I say.

"Will you invite me for you wedding?"

"How? I wont even know where you will be," I say, conveniently falling into his trap.

"Ok then. Give me your phone no. You can call me and speak. I can call you and speak. We can be friends."

He then proceeds to convince me that he has only the best intentions in mind and that he never usually asks phone numbers from girls (Yeah right!). Meanwhile, I am giving running updates to my very helpful friend. "He s asking my phone no now," I text.

"4 wat?," comes the reply.

"Yen kalyanathuku invite pannanumaam."

"Avaniye kalyanam panniko;-)" comes the very helpful reply from my very helpful friend. Did I mention that apart from being a creep-magnet, I also attract highly helpful friends?

The SAD's voice cuts into my mental search for a suitable expletive. "So?," he prompts.

I look up to see my stop has almost come. Making more vague non-committal sounds for a few more minutes, I get down as close to my stop as possible, give him his 7 rs, try to communicate 'un dabba auto ku 7 rs ae athikum, yen phone number vera kekutha' through a grimace and walk back home.

Sheesh.....people should stop believing that what they see in tamil movies will happen in real life. As of today, I have been pestered by share auto drivers for my phone number twice. It could be the same guy or could be two entirely different creeps. But more often, the creep in question is someone I know. To be fair, I start out liking the guy. There is something about a bad boy so intense that draws you. You start talking. Then you start texting, only for necessities at first and then exchanging random information. Then he starts calling you 'Darling' and 'Sweetypie' which is when you start finding him nauseatingly irritating. Then he starts calling you out for treats, his and yours, and starts playing with your earring and your hair (best case scenario). And if you are still dumb enough to talk to him, he usually corners you in some dark corner and spouts verbal nonsense. It is always the same. I will refrain from posting further examples of my creep-magnetism due to a lot of my family members having access to this sometimes very public blog.

Guys nowadays are desperate. One word of advice. Play it cool (Oh wait, thats three). Also, get a life! (Again three). If you want a girlfriend, you probably have a better chance of landing one if you dont go around with a flashing billboard stuck to your head. Have some class. Atleast have a pretense of class. Chivalry helps too. Girls have different, often conflicting notions of what they look for in a guy (for proof, read previous blogs) but a little chivalry can go a long way whoever the girl is. And practise personal hygiene. Only in movies do girls fall in love with stinking, sweaty males. So, unless you look like Hrithik Roshan after a workout, take a shower. And get a job. And a bank balance. And an American Express credit card. And a Mercedes SLK. And.....ok I'll stop but you get my drift. So until the fine day when you have done all the above, stop bothering us girls. Go juvenile watching Baywatch and of course there is always the proverbial cold shower.

What I'm not saying

No, I haven't got an admit yet. If I do I will let you know. Along with the rest of the world. In like 5 mins after I get to know. So quit bugging me up until then.

Oh great! You got one? That is so fine. Now please release me, I have to go check my mail one more time.

No, I don't have OCD. It is highly possible that someone might have sent me an admit in the 2 hours since I last checked and I do not want to miss out on that.

Yes, I know people with GRE scores lesser than mine have already got admits. Yes, GRE is not everything, which is what I have been trying to tell you for the last few months.

No, I do not want to be reminded of how much money I have spent applying or all the stuff I could have done with it. And no, I do not want to hear your empty promises about how I am sure to get an admit within next week. So if your conversation is going to include any of the above categories, do me a favor and shut up!

No Mr.Salesman, that gift is for my friend for his birthday. No, you don't have to give me that sly smile. Yes that is for another friend for his birthday. Please I can see the cogs turning in your head. No need to let your imagination go into hyperdrive. Yes, I'd like them gift-wrapped. No please not the pink hearts gift wrapper. Oh, never mind....

Yes, two tickets please. Oh no, not again!

No, I do not want to play the guitar for her. So what if she is a guest? I am not a walking jukebox.

Yes mom, I know you told me so.

Yes, I love Sleepless in Seattle. Yes I love Hitch. But not if I have to watch it for the hundredth time. So please, just please with the romance overload. Why isn't there any head banging, metal screeching, high-on-testosterone movie with lotsa fast cars and cool guns? Please can I just watch Tomb Raider for a change now?

Yes, I still love rom-coms though. And I'd watch Ashton Kutcher anywhere anytime. No, there is no need to look at me like I've grown feet from my head.

No, I dont like the anti-V day messages you have been bombarding me for the last one week. Can you quit the hypocrisy when I know very well that you would be committed if you had the choice. And not to mention sending gushing messages about love and romance to everyone on your friend's list if you were on the other side.

No, I haven't forgotten you. I have just been busy. If you'd wanted to see me you should have come over or called me up for a change instead of going on and on about how I am ignoring you.

No, I did not mean to mess up my own birthday party. If I'd known I would have come.

No, I do not want to change my project.

Yes, I often smile to myself. No, I am not crazy.

Yes, I am sick of planning stuff with this class and watching them all bomb. No, I am not gonna do it again. Yes, that is what I said last time.

Yes, I know you dont know a thing and you know I dont know a thing. SO can we please drop this pretense of a class and watch a movie together instead.

Yes, that was me you heard screaming. Yes, Paranormal Activity scared me. No, it's not lame.

No, I just called to check if your phone was still working. Yes, I want to talk to you idiot.

No, I do not want to hear about your boyfriend troubles. He is a jerk, a class A asshole and a rotten human being. You should be happy to be rid of him.

No, I do not want to hear about all your fans and the troubles you have managing them. Yes, I am getting down here. Yes, its two miles from my stop. Thats Ok, I'd rather walk.

Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes!

Yes, I liked twilight. Please dont bang your head against the wall on my account.

Yes, he is cute. Yes, he bites. But only when you step on his tail or try to steal his food.

Oh great! Guess what, I dont care.

No, I will not settle down in the US. I will come back. Oh yeah, you dont believe me? Sure, I'll take you on. Easiest 5000 I ever won.

Yes, thats me in the pic. Yes, thats my friend. No, I am not introducing you to her.

Yes dad, I think you are going insane. Must be all those amman serials and Thirumathi Selvam you're watching.

No, I really am bankrupt. No, I am not lying to avoid you. Please, the world does not revolve around you.

No, I am neither Team Macho nor Team Chocolate boy. No, I dont have any idea which type you are.

No, it wasn't me. It was my phone.

If you'd started writing my LOR in all the time you spend farming and baking lasagnas, you would have finished it by now. So dont give me crap about how you dont have time.

No, I haven't seen him yet. Is he really as cute as they say?