An explanation

So those of you who read my blog on any regular basis know that I've been obsessing over the God of Small Things for quite a while. The last 5 months to be approximately exact. Which is weird because thats not me. I usually reserve this level of obsession for my relationships. And myself. And its even more weird that it was the one book in which I couldn't relate to the lives of any of the characters. And yet I loved the story. I loved sitting in it and watching the characters dance for me, like the book was a Kathakali performance. If you've read the book, you'll know that there is a scene with a Kathakali performance. In a small temple by a dying river, through the night, where no one is invited and yet everyone is. Like a secret. Thats how I felt reading the book. Like I'm leaning against a pillar and watching as a family lives out its choices. And the story, the story itself? It was like the universe colliding in slow motion, like having the pieces fall into place slowly just in time to fall apart, like watching the past rise up to meet the future. It was like nothing I've ever seen before, nothing I've ever thought I'd fall in love with. I went in ready to hate the story and I sat down against a pillar to watch and now the music has ended and the dancers have gone, but I'm still stuck in the story, in the beauty and the ugliness of it. Which is why I am sitting up in bed, writing about it at midnight like it is something precious. Like something secret.


There are some books that come with their own age limits, that have to be grown into, for which a certain life has to be lived to be respected and understood and if possible loved. I dont claim any wisdom I do not have. Or experience I havent gained. It was just that I read the book when I was at a point in my life where I was willing to accept pain. Willing to acknowledge it and let it pass. And smile wryly and go to sleep. It may be that you ought to be old and wise to fall in love with the story that way. Or it may be that you just have to be that kind of animal.