Tomorrow is a way of life

The first month of the new year (new decade for more drama) is almost over, so I believe the time is right for an introspection session. I’ll go first, shall I?

I had a larger list of resolutions this year than normal. Some were the constants, the ones I’ve been taking for the last couple of years, the “I shal stop biting nails”, “I shall go to gym regularly”.... (yawn!). Some were relatively new. And the others I don’t even remember. But one thing is gonna be different this year. I am going to track my progress in the upkeep (maybe that is not the word I am looking for) of my resolutions with the goal to so publicly embarrass myself that I actually try sticking to them, for a change. So here goes,

Resolutions I took:

1. I shall not bite my nails
2. I shall go to gym regularly and actually work out
3. I shall eat regularly and on time and healthy food. (Note to self: Coffee is NOT healthy food)
4. I shall maintain proper accounts of my expenses
5. I shall organize my time better and stop whining about my lack of time for a social life
6. I shall stop whining in general. Period.
7. I will get over certain people. I will take an effort to maintain my relationships but only the ones worth maintaining. This this person out. That that person in!
8. I shall........(this is the point where my selective amnesia sets in. So i am just going to stick to 7 resolutions for now) 

Progress

1. I am not even gonna try to chart the progress of this one. People who have been with me long enough know how this resolution usually advances as the year goes by.
2. I tried. I genuinely tried. I went for all of 2 days. Now I just don’t have time. Which is probably violating resolution no.5 but I will work it out. I will! I swear!
3. Ditto. I will. Soon.
4. I’d almost forgot about this one until I went to visit a friend today and he was working out his expenses in an Excel sheet. Apparently, its a habit he picked up in his undergrad and has been doing it for the last 5 years. Seriously! It bowled me over for a second. “But you’re a guy!” I almost went (and we all know guys are the more irresponsible sex), but I stopped myself in time to avoid an argument. God, I am so gonna follow his example and stop relying on just Bank of America’s monthly statement to know what I am spending on. I so so am! If a guy can do it, so can I.
5. Yeah well, I did make some progress on this front. Enrolled myself for a couple of extra curricular activities. I am slipping back into my bad habits though.
6. Hmmm..... What was that again?
7. As to this, its slow progress but hey its progress. This this people slowly going out.

As you can see, progress is non-existent (almost) but writing is usually good for me so i hope I do a better job this month.

Meanwhile, life’s been fun. Its my favourite-est time of the year. Back home, this was the time I usually went cultural hopping. It would start with Saarang and culminate in Instincts. This was the time of the year I practically lived the rest of the year for. I’d almost forgotten how it used to feel until I read this. That brought back all the old memories. I miss that. I missed it so much that i went and got myself elected the Secretary of the Engineering Grad Students Association in my University. Ah! Finally some semblance of a life! The saddest part of Grad Life is that, for most of us, this is the first time we are exposed to so so sooo many activities on campus. There is so much variety in the list of possible things you can do in the University but unfortunately you neither have the time or the energy to do any of them. It is like the joke about hell where you have awesome food right in front of you but you cant eat coz the ladles are too large (if you haven’t heard of this one, well, Google is God!). I so want to join the hip hop club, the photography club, the university newspaper, the swimming team and a whole lot more. Maybe before I graduate I’ll actually do a couple of things on that list. *Fingers crossed*

I am taking reduced courseload this quarter. I want to take life a little bit slower. Doesnt seem to be helping even a bit. I am still as rushed as before, if not worse. This internship search is bugging. No one warned me it would be such a pisser. I cant believe I actually thought my life was set after I finished with my GRE. My troubles had only just started! Ah what I wouldn’t give right now for a rich US maapilai! Anyway I cant believe getting a fricking job is so fricking hard. I miss Anna University and SSN! I miss campus placements! I miss walking around like placement was my birth right! In the immortal words of Calvin, “Why should I have to work for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it! “

The problem with having too much time and no energy to cram any more material in your head is that you ending up just lying in your bed and thinking. Now ordinarily that wouldn’t be a problem but a lot of times you start thinking of the decisions you made and the past and the present and the gaping hole that is the future. For the last 2 weeks I have been on a weird nostalgia trip. And its not just me. Maya called to ask if she probably should have talked to ‘that girl’ in 12^th std. And maybe she should have listened to ‘that guy’ in college. So yay, I am not the only freak in town who’s thinking of the past. And its kinda a weird time for all of us coz this is the month of my friend’s second year death anniversary. So I guess it has been a little tough for all of us.

My profile picture on FB got more than a 50 likes! Ha, I have reached the next level in FB Fame. I am awesome, I am popular, I am a star! The guy I had a crush on in 12^th standard actually pinged me to say I was looking good. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Must return to internship search. Rest soon!

Nothing interesting. Go back to sleep.

I try to avoid writing these days because a)it takes up a lot of time and b)it leaves me drained at the end of it. So now since I am already drained I thought I might as well go and write since I can hardly do much else anyway.

I actually wanted to write about something important but I cant remember what it is so I'll just do the usual Divya thing and write about nothing.

I hate choices. I hate having too much of them. I just realized after coming here I like being spoon fed. I like being told what classes I have to take. I like on campus recruitment. I like going to the super market and finding exactly 3 brands of cereals and only one I like. I like not having 20 varieties of tomatoes and every other conceivable vegetable/fruit/whatever. I like my life neatly planned and packaged like the one I thought I would have until a couple of months back. I dont like having to get up from my bed and turning on the heater. Oh was that relevant?

Anyway, while I have learnt to enjoy this indecision and this not knowing, it still scares me that none of us (except me of course) are happy with the choices we made. Everyone seems to be dissatisfied, almost everytime I call a friend back home I hear cribbing and frustration. I refuse to believe that the rest of our lives will be this way when the best part of our lives is only just beginning. For my own sanity's sake, I want to believe life in the corporate world is the light at the end of this tunnel and not another endless tunnel, like the one my friends are making it out to be. I want to believe that careers can be stimulating and fun and satisfying too (maybe not all of the above but hey money is always a good substitute). But everyone around me, including my dad, seems to be not-so-happy with theirs. I can understand the case for my parents. Hey, they've been working in the same place for the last 20 years. Its acceptable if they get bored. However it is not, if you've only just joined and are bored already.

I know, because I was there, that all of us took what seemed to be the best decision at that point in our lives. So yeah maybe now we realize that is probably not what we imagined it would be, but so what? Its just temporary. So why is everyone so pissed off all the time?

I know all of you are probably shaking your heads at the isolated-from-the-real-world-princess in LA but hey I am only just asking so I can get a better picture. So we made choice without really understanding it. So what? We understand it better now. And we are still learning something out of the whole experience so it is not a total waste.

Whatever.

Anjana's bday last week. I actually didnt go to the suprise party because I was pissed with her over something and I had lots to do too. But realized at the last min (a couple of hours before her bday ended) that I would regret it forever if I didnt spend the next couple of hours with her. Ok that was a little dramatic but I would have definitely regretted it, for a long time. So I caught the stupid metro in stupid rush hour and stupidly stood half the way. But I guess it was worth it. If not for the doing nothing, just for the 'thank you for coming' mail I got the next morning.

I am going to make.... suprise.... Pongal for Pongal. Wish me luck!

Am in a state of sensory deprivation after my ice skating adventures. I cant feel the lower part of my body at all. And also some random upper parts too. But falling and making a general fool of yourself is a good character building exercise. Ah! What will we do without character building!

My heater is getting too hot now.

I have nothing more to say.

Bye. Visit again.