How to write a romance novel

The following is a summary of any given Mills & Boon or Silhouette novel.

Note to Readers: Please do not be misled into thinking that this makes me an authority on Mills & Boon or that I am a big fan of their romances. My encounters with M&B were entirely for educational purposes only, as to the uninitiated teenage girl, they often serve as a huge repository of information on....er positions and a few other logistics and technicalities. In fact, I remember having clandestine group M&B reading sessions when I was in my 8^th std but I digress. So for any doubts and references, please contact Rd;)

Rich (possibly heir of a few millions), hot, handsome, tall, playboy hero meets poor (a little), beautiful, gutsy but naive heroine who probably has lost her entire family to a car crash and has to live with evil step-mom/miserly aunt/ kind grandma. They have a flashy first meeting, exchange a few barbs and discover they like exchanging barbs. Heroine thinks hero is conceited. Hero thinks heroine has pluck and is instantaneously attracted to her and her innocence. They argue and they argue and in the midst of it, discover they like each others’ company. Hero seduces heroine but convinces himself he is not in love with heroine. Heroine puts up a brave (though flimsy) front but ultimately gives in to her (latent) feelings and hero’s seductions. But when confronted with the reality of the power of their love, both lose their nerve. Heroine does not want to be the first to announce that she is in love because she thinks the hero is only stringing her along and has no feelings for her. Hero does not want to be the first to tell his love because he is macho and then the story would end early and the author would not get a chance to display the actual sweet, sensitive, mushy core of the tough hero in the final climax. Enter evil, rich, sexy (as opposed to sweet heroine) girlfriend (ex) of the hero. Girlfriend becomes jealous of heroine, realizes she is losing her throne to a Cinderella and decides to do away with her. Girlfriend meets heroine in private and tells her how hero is just using heroine for sex and how his status will be affected if he is seen along with heroine. Heroine convinces herself that her sacrifice is for the good of her love and leaves country. And oh yeah, she manages to stand up to her evil step-mom/ miserly aunt too and finally take control of her life. After heroine runs away, hero realizes how truly he is in love with her but believing the story told by jealous girlfriend, thinks heroine never really loved him and decides to let her go. But after a suitable moping period (usually 3 months), the kind butler reveals to the hero that all is not as it seems. Hero, after kicking jealous girlfriend and her social climbing mother out of the house, uses his vast resources to track down the heroine. They meet and after a touching reunion where both of them confess their love for each other, share true love’s kiss and live happily ever after.

Insert a few matter scenes here and there and a few corny dialogs like “You are my world now”, “My love, my life!” and you are set to write your own romance novel. Whats more, you might even manage to canoodle a few jobless gooses like Rd into buying your books. Happy writing! :)