Coffee cravings and silent afternoons in the university

Am annoyed at myself. I just got mad at a friend. And he wasn't even doing anything. I guess thats why I got mad. 'Coz he wasn't doing anything. I was on the phone with him and it felt like having a conversation with myself. Or talking to a wall. Dont get me wrong. He was listening. But he wasn't really responding. Which was why talking to him was more like talking to myself. And talking to myself is a very bad idea. I tend to out think myself and go back on my own decisions of 5 minutes ago and rethink the common sense of them. And get annoyed at myself. Or at him because he felt like myself in this case. If it makes sense. And annoyed at myself because I got annoyed at him while the person who deserved getting annoyed at was myself. Is that even a coherent thought? I need coffee. A lot of coffee.

It feels like my system selectively metabolizes coffee so fast that I need a cup every hour. I realize I am beginning to sound like a crack addict. I need to check myself into caffeine rehab.

But before that, lets give you some context about my day, just coz I can. I am sitting in my spiffy new clothes, the clothes that were supposed to be my bday clothes (atleast that was my rationalization for going thanksgiving shopping when I neither follow thanksgiving nor christmas, so I really dont have any reason for going shopping except that there was a sale and I really cant say no to a sale but I'd feel bad about spending money for no reason, so  need a convincing enough rationalization. So there!) But now I have already worn my bday clothes so I guess I will have to go shopping again. (Yay!) And I am trying to study. But every time I decide I am going to study some distraction comes up and somebody calls/pings me. Thats the reason I am not productive enough- Technology! And the distractions cause me annoyance so I have to blog about it. And in a bit i will feel guilty I havent done anything all day so I will go study. After having lunch of course. A girl has to eat! Which I havent decided is a good idea or not because according to Hillfiger, I have dropped 2 sizes but according to Victoria's Secret, I have gained 1. I am not sure whom to believe. Commercialism is a confusing source of personal information.

I ran into the professor of the course I am planning on reading up on in a bit, near the vending machine. Gave me such sadistic pleasure to see him as devoid of a life as he cause me to be. University vending machine coffee on the day after thanksgiving.... sad sad life.

I might be visiting India in December again. Just coz I can. And also coz almost every one who mean anything to me in this country will be in India and there really is no point in me just hanging around feeling sorry for myself coz I have no one to talk to here. Might as well go back and hang around with them back in Chennai coz thats where the action in my life is going to be this December. But its still a might, and a rather big one at that. On that happy (or maybe not) thought to my friends in India, I shall take leave now. And get back to my reading about Virtualization.

Someone seems to be on a blogging spree -Life Projects

I think it is all the repressed need to have fun pouring out of me after the crazy week I've had. But I've been having this compulsive need to blog since yesterday and its not like I am doing anything useful anyway, so might as well give in.

Goofy (some) and pointless (most) stuff I've always wanted to do and hope to get around to doing someday.

1. Have a different coffee a day at Starbucks (including the secret not-on-the-menu ones) and write a review blog about them all. Aim: to discover the best coffee there is and get over my single minded obsession with short-Cappuccino-less-foam-whole-milk in the process.
2. Visit every city that has a Saravana Bhavan in the US and order Pongal Vadai and Filter Coffee in it.
3. Brew my own beer. I've been wanting to do this since a friend here actually did it. She still has the necessary equipment. Maybe soon.
4. Go to a strip club. I've been suggesting this as a surprise for every friend's bday party. Somehow always gets shot down.
5. Jump off a cliff. I never really thought I'd do the airplane thing. Always wanted to do the cliff thing like in Rang de Basanti. Maybe next summer.
6. Combine my Flickr page and this blog into a mega me project which will feature my recipes (if I ever cook anymore), my photos and my writing. Update it regularly. Maybe even turn it into a book.
7. Watch the top 100 movies on IMDb
8. Read all of the top 100 books recommended by Times.
9. Print a coffee table book with my pictures of all my travel. Better still, make it a coffee table book of a photo project, like the Red Couch. (I once went around taking pictures of dustbins in Andaman because they were so cute and interesting. Especially in the island of Ross. If you ever have a chance to visit Andaman and go to Ross Island, do notice the dustbins. I am sure some clerk in the Tourism Industry spent hours thinking up each.)
10. I really cant think of any more. Just want to end on an even number.

Sure, I wanna do the serious stuff as well- get back to my music, get back to my dance, buy a better camera, buy a car, buy a house, decorate it, travel the world, get married and sometimes in my idealistic moods, join Engineers without Borders and go to Africa. But for someone with chronic fear of long term plans, this is a good start. Baby steps people!

Divya Recommends

Its very surprising that I write a post about people calling my behavior irrational and the next day a friend points this out to me. This is long read but a good one.

Women are not crazy!

I told you so and other things

While its always satisfying to say it, its also annoying. It means people totally disregarded your advice and went on to make the same mistakes you did. A lot of my friends who totally dissed the bouts of loneliness and mood swings I had during my first quarter of grad school (and still do have) and classified them all as "random things girls do" or even "Divya's unexplainable behavior" are now going through the exact same thing. And what annoys me more is that they are so much better off than i was. The have me for one. They shouldn't be complaining at all with my awesomeness around. And yet they do. But yeah "In your face!" does have a nice ring to it.

Also, girls are such simple creatures. We get depressed, we have a crappy day. People yell at us, make us feel insignificant. Things are generally grey. And we look into the mirror and notice our hair is perfectly straight and the light really brings out the very expensive highlights we got put in and our mood instantly lifts. Its like the last couple of hours just didnt picture in the story of our lives. We wear good clothes on moody days just so we might have a reason to be excited. We get all smiley when someone takes out a camera. We ooh and aah over the smallest and cheapest of trinkets. And all you need to win us over is a fluffy $5 toy. How complicated is that!

On the personal note, I just dealt with a couple of deadlines and am just chilling now. For the last week, i slogged my ass off. I couldnt remember the last time I took a bath and slept peacefully and didnt wake to drag my laptop over and check my project mate's updates and start coding. And I feel sick at myself because I am dropping the course that I've really learnt a lot in just because I am worried about my GPA. It is an extremely cowardly thing to do and I feel so bad at doing it and keep fluctuating about it. But for some reason the idealistic me seems so much easier to quell now than a couple of months back. So drop its gonna be!

I have a constantly irritated throat. I've had it ever since I got back from India which is actually worrying since that was a whole 2 months back. I have decided I am gonna test out and learn how the medical system here works, which is about time. The systems here always confuse me. Why cant I just walk into the hospital and ask to be treated again?

Also, I bought a new lens!!! Its a Canon 50 mm F/1.8 lens. If you've been to my blog in recent times and also before recent times, you would have noticed the new change which is my Amazon wishlist on the bottom. I decided to add that in case some generous readers fall so much in love with me that they starts contributing to my well being and the prolonged continuation of my writing a la Julie as in Julie and Julia. Somehow, considering the fact no one even clicked on my ads and got me any revenue with my Amazon Affliate program, I strongly doubt it, bu hey no loss in trying. So anyway, that lens was on it for a long time before i decided I'm just gonna get it for myself. Like I explained to a friend, happiness doesnt seem to be coming my way by itself so I'm just gonna create my own. Pretty deep, huh? So my new lens is here and its waaayyyy awesome! Unfortunately though I haven't had a chance to test it out yet. Sadness. In case you feel bad that you couldnt get it for me, there are still a whole bunch of stuff in there that you can get. My bday is coming up in less than a month and I'm so excited!!! I hope it doesnt work itself into being a damper which is highly possible considering none of my friends are gonna be in town. But I'll be damned if I let my bday not live up to its expectations yet another time. I promise you I am gonna have one hell of a whopper!

I am on an FB detox diet. Like I said, I get to log in only once a week or so and I've realized that when you do limit your accessing, it is not as interesting anymore. I look at sappy statuses and laugh. I look at pointless updates about Aishwarya Rai's new baby and I laugh. I look at random shares of stupid moderately sexist photos and I laugh. Its like nothing excites me any more there. And now that I am actively job hunting, LinkedIn is more my thing. I check my page every few hours to see if someone's taken a look at it. And it always makes me so happy when I get a notification saying someone's downloaded my Resume. Well, as Bradley Cooper said in some show I cant even remember the name of, what is life if not replacing one addiction with another. 

Ta for now!

The first of many blog tweets

I wonder how many years grad school has taken off my life. Not just the best two years of my youth but all those years I am going to lose off my lifespan from all the stress and excessive caffeine I have been exposed to. I wonder why no one warned me that grad school would drain your blood and suck your soul and drag your lifeless body through the streets before dumping you into the sewer. And then poke me in the eye and wake me up and tell me I have a degree and a job (we can always hope!). And I also wonder if the idealistic me that tends to resurface early mornings when the sun is out and the coffee is fresh and the music is fast and there are no deadlines in the horizon would have made a different choice. And if my mom would have let me anyway.


P.S.
To increase productivity, I made my friend change my facebook password and let me only use it once a week. I have to admit it makes me feel like an addict checking himself/herself into rehab but, hey, it works. But now I want a place to showcase my quirky/witty thoughts. Which is why I'm here. And which is why you'll probably be seeing a lot of micro blog posts (No, I am not on Twitter) in the coming few weeks or months if i manage to hold out. Watch this space for more.